When a relationship begins, everything feels so easy. You go on fun dates, spend hours on the phone, and can’t stop smiling whenever their name pops up on your screen. There’s no drama, no arguments, and no debate over who’s paying or who’s more committed. It’s all laughter, chemistry and effortless compromise — but don’t be deceived into thinking it will stay that way forever.
That’s the honeymoon phase — a time when both partners are high on excitement, oxytocin, and affection. During this stage, we often bend over backwards to please the other person. We listen more, forgive quickly, and avoid conflict because love feels too sweet to spoil.
But as months — or even years — go by, real life begins to show up. Bills come, expectations rise, personalities clash, and both people start craving balance and recognition. When communication turns into competition or affection starts to fade, you might be facing something deeper than just “mood swings” — you may be caught in a ‘power struggle’.
A power struggle happens when partners fight, directly or indirectly, to be heard, respected, or in control. It often starts subtly — and by the time you notice, it’s already affecting your peace and connection.
Here are 10 signs you might already be in a power struggle with your partner.
1. You argue about who’s right instead of understanding each other
You both feel the need to prove your side of the story is correct, even when it’s just a difference in opinion. Validation becomes more important than connection.
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2. Passive-aggressive comments are becoming normal
When one partner starts making sarcastic or cutting remarks and hides behind “I’m just joking,” it’s often a sign of buried resentment or emotional distance. At that point, contempt has quietly become the order of the day.
3. Money controls the decision-making
If one partner earns more and believes that gives them more say in decisions, it’s no longer teamwork — it’s control disguised as responsibility.
4. Silent rebellion instead of honest talk
Instead of saying what’s wrong, one partner starts acting out quietly — doing the opposite of what’s expected or refusing to co-operate.
5. Constant criticism and mockery
When you find yourselves putting each other down — even playfully — the relationship becomes a place of competition instead of comfort.
6. Disagreements turn into full-blown fights
Having different opinions shouldn’t feel like a battle. But if small discussions now end in raised voices or silent treatment, that’s a red flag.
7. The past is used as a weapon
Old mistakes keep coming up to justify new actions. This makes forgiveness impossible and keeps both of you emotionally stuck.
8. You play jealousy games
Trying to make your partner jealous or insecure just to get attention or control is one of the most common signs of a toxic power struggle.
9. You compete instead of supporting each other
Instead of saying “we,” you both start thinking “me versus you.” It becomes about who’s doing more, who’s right, or who’s more loved.
10. Love or affection is withheld to prove a point
One partner stops being affectionate, avoids intimacy, or withholds support just to “teach a lesson.” This emotional punishment weakens trust and safety in the relationship.
How to Break the Cycle
Power struggles don’t mean your relationship is doomed — they simply signal that something deeper needs attention. Most times, they stem from unmet emotional needs like feeling unappreciated, unheard, or controlled.
The good news? You can turn things around. Start by talking honestly, not to win but to understand. Be patient, listen actively, and avoid bringing up old wounds.
If the cycle feels too hard to break, seeking couples therapy or counsellingcan help you both rebuild a foundation of mutual respect and love.
Love isn’t about who has the upper hand — it’s about balance, understanding, and partnership. The sooner you both stop fighting each other and start fighting for each other, the stronger your relationship becomes.
