I used to believe that love was about giving without expecting anything in return. I would go out of my way to buy gifts, plan surprises, and make my partner feel special. But over time, I started to feel like I was the only one making an effort. He never surprised me with gifts, never planned anything special, and barely noticed the effort I put in. It made me question everything: Does he even love me? or Am I asking for too much?
When Giving Feels One-Sided
At first, I ignored the feeling. I told myself, maybe he’s just not the romantic type. But then, special occasions would come and go—my birthday, our anniversary, even Valentine’s Day—without him making any effort. It hurt. Not because I needed expensive gifts, but because I wanted to feel appreciated. I wanted to know that he was thinking of me, just as much as I thought of him.
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That’s when I realised something important: love is about balance, not sacrifice. If one person is always giving while the other only receives, the relationship starts to feel unbalanced and, eventually, exhausting.
How I Made Him Understand My Needs
Instead of bottling up my feelings or waiting for him to read my mind, I decided to communicate. Here’s what I did:
I Expressed My Feelings Clearly
One evening, I calmly said to him, “I love doing things for you, but sometimes, I also want to feel special. It’s not about the gifts—it’s about knowing you think of me too.” I made sure my tone was honest, not accusatory. But guess what? He looked genuinely surprised—like he had no idea how I felt. Can you imagine? Men can be so hard to understand!
I Paid Attention to His Love Language
Not everyone expresses love through gifts. Some show love through words, acts of service, or quality time. I asked myself, Does he show love in other ways? If he did, then maybe gifts weren’t his thing, and I had to accept that.
I Set Boundaries on My Giving
I realised I was overcompensating—giving too much in the hope of receiving something in return. So, I slowed down. I still did thoughtful things, but I stopped trying so hard to prove my love. When his birthday came last year, I did things differently—no gifts, no surprises, just a special meal. And I made sure he understood why. Since then, there has been a noticeable change—not exactly what I hoped for, but I can see he’s trying his best to make me happy. It became clear that gifting isn’t his love language, but at least now, he puts in the effort.
I Observed His Reaction
A loving partner, even if clueless at first, will adjust once they realise how you feel. If he truly cared, he would make an effort—maybe not perfectly, but he would try. If he ignored my feelings completely, that would tell me everything I needed to know.
Does His Lack of Effort Mean He Doesn’t Love Me?
Not necessarily. Some people genuinely don’t realise the importance of small gestures. But if, after clear communication, he still makes no effort to make me feel valued, then yes, it’s a red flag. Love should never feel like a one-way street.
The Lesson I Learned
A healthy relationship is about mutual appreciation. It’s okay to give, but it’s also okay to want something in return—not in a selfish way, but in a way that makes the relationship fulfilling for both partners.
If you find yourself constantly giving without receiving, speak up, observe, and most importantly, don’t settle for less than you deserve.
