If you sit with women long enough—women who truly love, who give, who nurture—you will realise something painful: some of the kindest, purest, most well-meaning women have found themselves in damaging relationships.
Some are strong enough to break free, but others remain trapped because they hold on to the illusion that “love covers all sins.” They convince themselves that their suffering is somehow noble, that it is their duty to endure as long as they love the man, even if the man does not love them back.
This article is for every woman who wants to understand herself better, protect her heart, and learn how to recognise love that lifts rather than love that wounds.
My gender lets talk! Too often we allow love to cloud our judgement without even realising it. Please open your eyes. Love is not blind—we are the ones who sometimes choose not to see what is right in front of us.
Sometimes a Good Heart Makes You Ignore Early Signs
Good women often lead with kindness. That is beautiful, but it can also be risky. Most women don’t enter relationships expecting trouble. They walk in hoping to build something meaningful. But sometimes, hope can blind you. And when you start hoping that you can change a grown adult, you must pause and ask yourself: is that truly possible?
A toxic man may not show his true character immediately. He may shower you with attention, praise, and affection. He may make you feel chosen, valued, and adored. But even in the midst of this, you can’t deny that you didn’t notice those flaws. And because you have a soft heart, you give him the benefit of the doubt. You convince yourself that his flaws are minor, that you can handle them, that he will change, or that he simply needs more love.
Get this clear: love is not medicine. Love is not rehabilitation. And love will never be enough to fix someone who refuses to fix themselves. It is not your duty to fix an adult man. I’m not saying change is impossible—but pray that you are alive and sane enough to enjoy the changed version of the man, if it ever happens.
Good Women Are Natural Givers, and That Attracts Takers
You listen when others are hurting. You forgive more times than you should. You sacrifice your comfort to maintain peace. You carry emotional weight without complaining.
This goodness becomes a magnet for the wrong men if you are not careful.
Toxic men look for women who over-understand, over-apologise, and over-try—women who are kind and nurturing but lack boundaries.
They depend on your compassion because they have none of their own. They feed on your emotional strength because theirs is weak. And slowly, without realising it, you begin to feel drained, unappreciated, and trapped.
Childhood Patterns Play a Silent Role
Some women grow up around tension, inconsistency, or emotional neglect. When you grow up with instability, you may mistake chaos for normality and confuse anxiety with love. And when a man shows behaviour that feels familiar, even if it is unhealthy, part of you may accept it as normal—God forbid!
This is why self-realisation and personal development are crucial for every young woman before venturing into relationships. Check out my blog for articles that can guide and empower you on this journey – rossyvariety.com.
Read More:
How to Prepare Yourself for a Healthy Relationship
Emotional Intelligence in Relationship
Self-Love: A Single Woman’s Shield Against Abusive Relationships
10 Toxic Habits That Look Like Love but Aren’t
You deserve a love that brings peace, not pain. A love that feels safe, not heavy. Healing the past is often the first step to choosing healthier relationships in the present.
Good Women Often Believe They Can Change a Man
Many women enter relationships with hope, not realism. They see what a man could be, not who he actually is. They see his potential more clearly than he does. They try to heal him, teach him, support him, and show him love he has never experienced. They carry the fantasy of their dream man and assume, in their hearts, that he will become that ideal by the grace of God. But leave God out of that—He has made the man show you who he truly is so that you can protect yourself and get out for your own good.
A man will only change when he wants to. No amount of sacrifice or patience will transform someone who refuses to transform himself. Sometimes you are trying to save a man who is committed to remaining wounded. And that is not love. It is emotional self-destruction.
Some Good Women Stay Because They Fear Starting Over
“I don’t want to begin again.”
“I’m not getting younger.”
“What will people say?”
“At least I know his flaws; the devil I know is better than the angel I don’t know”.
Fear keeps many women in painful relationships far longer than love ever does. But starting over is not failure—staying in something that destroys your peace is. Anything that constantly gives you stress and pain does not deserve your time. As Ogunkoya wisely said, “A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.”
Your life does not end at heartbreak. Your future is not tied to one person. And your joy should never depend on a man who cannot even value you. Look within yourself and recognise who you truly are—priceless, worthy, and deserving of peace. Your joy is second to none, because that is exactly what God wants for you. So don’t shrink yourself or live below your value. You are love personified. Live your life fully, and the man who truly values you will meet you on your journey.
How Good Women Can Protect Themselves
Listen to your discomfort. It is often the first warning.
Do not fall in love with potential. Love the man he is today.
Set boundaries early. A good heart without boundaries becomes a target for users.
Heal old wounds. Unhealed wounds attract familiar pain.
Do not date from loneliness. Make choices from clarity, not desperation.
Ask yourself what you truly want from love. Many women never answer this powerful question.
Being a good woman is not your weakness. Your kindness is not your mistake. The issue is not who you are, but who you give yourself to.
A good woman deserves a good man. A peaceful, emotionally stable, respectful man who values her presence and protects her spirit. And until such a man arrives, remember this:
Your life is too precious to spend healing someone who keeps hurting you. You are allowed to choose peace. You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to walk away. Keep developing yourself, and wait with joy for a decent man who will value you. There is no perfect man anywhere, but his imperfections should never reduce you or derail your life.
Balance your goodness with wisdom. “… wisdom is profitable to direct” (Ecclesiastes 10:10b, KJV). Let wisdom lead your heart, your choices, and the kind of love you allow into your life.
